time

If I could put time in a bottle I think I would still manage 2 let some of it slip away and be wasted, just in my nature to do so. I have been writing long papers and essays to the point that writing for leisure has become a foreign concept. SO i didn't need to be a formal just wanted 2 get a few things off my chest.
1. Ok pretty sure the new house is haunted, or at least full of a lot of remnants of stuff cuz there is just way too much vibe up in here. It has both of us drained and quite frankly I am looking for an exit strategy on that (seems to be a recurrent theme of mine and at some point I will publish a book of exit strats to really let it b known how effective each brain child may be.
2. Tired, all the time, really, not sleeping well at night, hard to make myself stay sleep, struggling, thinking about keeping a journal of the times I wake up and fall asleep.
3. Trust, see this is an issue as well but i have learned that the harder it is for u to trust ppl the more untrustworthy u actually are, and in hindsight, I don't even trust my own judgment so hard to project what I can't even imitate for my own benefit . . . (that is all bad when u say it out loud:)
4. Peace, coming into the end of the school year and taking all that learning with me under the umbrella of experience . . . I guess I will try harder to keep a positive vibe about this simply as a teary eyed Derrick Rose so eloquently put it, "I just gotta do better next season." Head was NOT in the game:)
5. Stability, paying off the end of both car payments this month, current car paid for, GOD willing, I will have no payment for a lil bet so I can get back in my o g stackadola
6. Love, well the verdict is still out on this one . . . tbc

old bottles, new wine

For a long time I did not understand the parable of putting new wine in old bottles. I initially thought that the container is constant and that it shouldn't matter what was put in it because they were made to withstand everyday use. I can kind of see now that once a container is used it incurs certain wear and tear that makes it damaged goods and putting new liquid, with all it's freshness and bubbles, could potentially make the bottle burst. I see how this relates to ppl. It occurred to me this morning that I am damaged goods, and just because I find a new source to fill my time with, doesn't matter how good or clean the new liquid I chose to fill myself with, the one thing that remains constant is me. I have been dropped, chipped away at, thrown across the room and even once buried in the dirt and yet I still manage to float along though life, bobbing and weaving through the ocean dreaming of the thing to fill me up when in reality no matter what I allow to enter me, whatever goodness that is in it seeps through the cracks in my soul and all that I am left with is the essence of what was, not even what actually was but what it could have been if I had been in a real position to receive it. And so I guess now, instead of always looking for that "new wine" that is going to make me feel useful, I guess I could spend some more of my effort fixing the broken vessel that i have become so if something worth savoring comes along, I might actually be able to enjoy it rather than spreading myself thin to try to compensate for all the holes that time has worn in my bottle:)

Git Money

Everybody is so consumed with the
Git Money at all cost mentality, it's like
we put money over hoes, bro's, and anything goes
as long as it flows but what is that
river u makin it rain with really hidin?
Is it possible that inside
u feel empty and incomplete
and figurin a new pair of shoes or
a nice whip might make u able 2 compete
with those u deem better than u even though
they on that git money sh!t 2.
So with all this getting what do we got
to show for the grave plots and gun shots
we let pop all in the name of the almighty dollar.
Sure u got a stable of yellow bones who come callin
as long as u ballin but when u go 2 fallin
off u find that easy come easy go isn't just
a frame of mind
but ur reality.
And what about those who plot and scheme
but with an educational theme to seem as
though they represent what is best in us,
or better than the rest of us
either way not embracin what's
blessed in us and we
don't even deserve it and can't
manage 2 make enough money worth it.
So if ur self esteem is hidden in cream,
u mind is on the grind,
u can't find it sunny when yo money funny, or
ur pockets get low faster than a 2 dolla hoe
maybe u might consider re-evaluatin
what ever it is that's motivatin u and
tune in 2
the big picture coming
soon 2 a theater
near
you:)
And don't worry about all that
change makin ur vision blurry
cuz karma is a b!tch that only
films in hd:)
But if u 2 fargone already
I guess ur warning will
live among the birds above
ur head where
my words b:)